My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
