ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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