If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
