went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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