life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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