You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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