You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
