Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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