Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
