I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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