i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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