life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
