and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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