Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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