If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
