toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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