we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
