My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
