She announced her abortion via fbk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
