I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is