Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin