how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.