well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize