somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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