Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
