You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize