Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
