also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I died a long time ago.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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