Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
