nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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