do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
