eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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