I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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