If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
