I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
