Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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