upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
