so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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