My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
