I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize