You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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