wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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