Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
