my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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