i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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