The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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