i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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