he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I will be naked everywhere
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
