SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
