in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
