I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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