But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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