What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
