I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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