Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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