Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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