Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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