i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.