Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?