Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
