Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize