mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?