living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important