just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you traded sex for a burrito?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?