We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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