It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup