Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.

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  (404): Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one. http://tfl.nu/q7a8
  Replies (2) Good night (2821) Bad night (591)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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  (610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/xgvv
  Replies (42) Good night (5498) Bad night (927)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

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  (443): you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up http://tfl.nu/89z7
  Replies (27) Good night (2874) Bad night (5020)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were pretty classy up until the second keg

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  (717): we were pretty classy up until the second keg http://tfl.nu/du30
  Replies (12) Good night (4669) Bad night (790)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.

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  (717): I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian. http://tfl.nu/9yc5
  Replies (49) Good night (5358) Bad night (2014)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.

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  (775): At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town. http://tfl.nu/0gi3
  Replies (17) Good night (4305) Bad night (907)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.

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  (504): Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know. http://tfl.nu/t1mp
  Replies (7) Good night (3021) Bad night (807)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.

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  (207): I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off. http://tfl.nu/j6re
  Replies (14) Good night (1169) Bad night (3206)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer

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  (817): If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer http://tfl.nu/rqqd
  Replies (24) Good night (2870) Bad night (967)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.

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  (416): There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist. http://tfl.nu/x1kf
  Replies (2) Good night (591) Bad night (1184)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.

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  (502): Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home. http://tfl.nu/5iun
  Replies (15) Good night (632) Bad night (966)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse

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  (651): I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse http://tfl.nu/8kf4
  Replies (2) Good night (491) Bad night (1138)
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  (310): View more from California

  Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.

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  (310): Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley. http://tfl.nu/mbvo
  Replies (2) Good night (356) Bad night (669)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party

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  (701): he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party http://tfl.nu/b7mb
  Replies (0) Good night (709) Bad night (381)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?

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  (519): When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life? http://tfl.nu/fnlp
  Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (236)

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