Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.