Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter