So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His nipple licking is glorious
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