hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
