I think i peed on brittanys purse
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
