I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
